Now, what do I hope for 2006?

Actually, I only have one important goal that I want to achieve for 2006. I will only find out if I have achieve this goal at the end of 2006. It's very important and it involves my future. If I do not achieve this goal, my whole life will be ruined. I will constantly be reminded of my failure every single day of my life until the day I die. I will hurt the people I love if I do not achieve this. Time and money will be wasted and there is no way to get it back. The damage will be so severe that suicide can happen. (Okay, that one was a bit too far)

What is it, you ask?

I want to get that 15 points and continue my studies overseas, and make everybody proud.

Sounds easy? Well, it's not. Unless I work really hard and spend all my time studying, then maybe it's possible.

And why is it that I say it involves my future?

Because if I fail my Alevel, there is no way that I can continue my studies overseas, and I have no money to pay Mara back all the money they spent. I have no qualifications to do my degree locally, because to do that, you have to go through 1 year of matriculation and get atleast a 2.5 gpa to get accepted into University. Yes, I can still do my Diploma, but that means I'm going to be left behind and all my friends will graduate first. I cannot let that happen.
To make it worse, everyone is going to talk behind my back, and laugh at me. I will be called "the girl who didn't make it" etc etc. That cannot happen to me.
I will dissapoint my parents, my teachers, my friends and also MYSELF. I will not let that happen.

Please pray for my success.

Good Bye 2005, HELLO 2006!

Okay, this is just a post on my 2005 happenings.

January-March 2005
I just finished my SPM so I spent most of my time at home or at driving school. I got my driving licence in March 2005 after taking my JPJ test twice. (I'm just not born to drive)

March-May
Well, my SPM results came out around March I think? I got 6A's, which is just "okay". I was accepted to KMJ. I was also called for two different interviews (same course). My first interview was on 3rd of May and the second one was on the 5th of May. I registered for KMJ and did accounting while waiting for other better offers. Oh, I also met Wan and we went steady in May.

June-July
I got an offer from both Mara and BPG. I decided to go with Mara, so I quitted KMJ to do Tesl in Kolej Mara Seremban instead.
My sister got married. (end of July)
My brother came home for summer.

July-December
My first semester in Kolej Mara Seremban. (Finished)

Not that interesting huh? Well, I never said it was.

Everytime I log into my blogspot account, I will spend a lot of time just to find something smart to talk about. All my past entries are what you can call "rubbish". I've never talked about interesting/important stuff because my head is just empty. I cannot come up with anything good and worth reading. I do not read that much anymore, and I am not up-to-date with what's happening around the world, and my english is getting worse. I used to love writing essays, and I used to keep a diary/journal but not anymore. I have no idea why I stopped writing...

I seriously have to read more (and write more). You know how sometimes you think of a great story in your head that you just have to write in on paper, but when you've gone through all the trouble getting the paper, and finding a pen (with ink), the story just disappear? and sometimes you are half-way writing it and then you get tired and just stop? and you decide to write it another time but you never did. These two situation always happen to me. I'm just too lazy which is not good because i'm supposed to be a future english teacher and if my english does not improve in the next 6 years, well, i feel sorry for my future students. I'm going to be responsible if my future students fail their english.

I always thought my english was good (beyond good) until i went to KMS. I met a lot of friends who speak and write better than me. There are some who are worse than me but that's their problem not mine. I'm very concerned about my english right now. I have improved a tiny bit after mixing with these people (people who speak/write better than me) but it's not enough. I want to be able to write using "big" words, and speak without adding "lah" at the end of every sentence.

It's kind of funny that I'm a Tesl student, but my english is just average. This is so embarassing.

I have to go read a book.
Later

Oh, Happy New Year

Taken just a few hours ago......


the one on the left loves the one on the right...



...and she is missing him so bad right now...



...from up above

...Wan is leaving in less than one hour... This is so hard for me... I'm so used to having him so close, and now he won't be that close anymore. I knew that this day would come sooner or later but I was never really prepared for it. I sort of let myself believe that he would always be here, and that I could come back to see him anytime I want...

There are a few things that I wish I had said and done. I wish I had told him more often how much he means to me, and how much I love him. I wish I had never hurt his feelings.

I miss you so much.
I love you.

Take care dear.

I didn't do much today.
I watched TV the whole afternoon. Nana followed dad to his office so I was at home, alone. Mum went to Desaru this evening and will be back tomorrow afternoon. Sis took me out to dinner at SS just now. ;-) Oh, and Wan took me around JB in the evening cause we were so bored.

You know that stage where when you are with someone you love, that silence doesn't bother you anymore? You feel comfortable being with that other person without having to say anything. You look at him, he looks at you. You smile, he smiles back ; and you both just sort of enjoy each other's company.

Well, Wan and I are sort of at that stage. Sometimes we don't talk at all. Just having him next to me is enough. I can just look at him and sort of know what he wants to say to me. I know it's only been 8 months but that's just how I feel when I'm around him. When he takes me for a drive around the city, or for a walk at the park, we barely talk about anything. I enjoy holding his hand and look at the beautiful view from the hills at the park, and having him next to me makes it extra special and extra beautiful.

No, we are not a boring couple. We share everything together. Sometimes, we both have so much to talk about that we could barely understand what the other is trying to say. (because both wanted to speak at the same time) and in the end, one had to say, "takpelah, u cakap dulu.." hehehe.

I'm glad I found him. I changed a lot after I met him. (Good changes)
Thanks dear
;-)

Love ya!

This new font size, tell me, is it easier to read?

Any tips on how to lose weight? FAST?

I cannot control my eating habit anymore. I EAT ALL THE TIME.
I can bet that if I ask Wan to carry me, he wouldn't be able to do that. I bet I'm heavier than him. I hate taking pictures of myself from neck down.

I HATE MY TUMMY.

Ok, I'm going to stop eating now. We'll see if it works in 3 weeks.

Later

The lucky one, am I?

I am not wearing my contacts right now and I can't really see what I'm typing. Sorry for any spelling mistakes :-( I'm just too lazy to get my glasses.

I just woke up actually, still wearing his jumper. I smell like him. Hehe. :-) This really reminds me of that Destiny's Child song "T-Shirt".. here's a bit of the song's lyrics :

"..When you're not here, I sleep in your t-shirt, I wish you were here, to take off your t-shirt, after we make love, I sleep in your t-shirt, wake up in your t-shirt, still smell the scent of your cologne..."

hehehe. err..minus the making love part (I'm not legal to do that yet)

Anyway, I am so in love with MR.BLUNT right. Yes, MR.BLUNT.
hehehe. My favourite song is "Good Bye My Lover"
It's probably the best song I've ever heard. :-)

" I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you."

I think that's my favourite part of the song... ;-)

I started reading a bit of sociology questions last night. hehehe, Still haven't started doing anything yet. I have to. I should. I have to work harder to get that unreachable A. :-(

Oh oh! Hidayah texted me yesterday and she told me that a bunch of girls were talking about me yesterday. It started as a topic about books or movies or something and then my name came out. And one of the girl's said " Rasyiqah yang pernah masuk kmj kejap tu ke?" , "yang dulu dengan syahrul eh?"

hahaha. I can't believe they still remember me. I thought I was long forgotten. Thanks to that Syahrul guy, I guess? This is what you get when the most goodlooking guy in college has a crush on you. hehee.

Speaking of goodlooking guys, I met someone in Langkawi. I'm still not sure whether it was a dream or if it really happened.

I went to the atm to get some cash, alone. Mum was busy shopping and dad was waiting for her in front of the shop. So, I walked alone (it was at night). It's not that far from the shop. When I reached there, suddenly a guy ( tall, handsome, fair) asked me, "ni ika kan?". I looked at the guy, and I smiled, "hey...zikri kan?" and then we talked for a few minutes and went our separate ways. When I was walking back to the shops where my parents were at, he came back and said "eh, lupe nak tanye nombor handphone..." I smiled and gave him mine. I asked for his number but he said he would miss call me.

And so I waited.

It was about 12 midnight that he sent me a text, he opologised because he had no credit to call me sooner. We chatted for a while. And then he told me that he's been having a crush on me since we were still in highschool. I told him I already have a bf (besides, I don't know him that well) and he was a bit frustrated when he found out. But I told him that we could still be friends.

The next day, he did a surprise visit at my hotel. I was at the pool area sitting on the chairs in my beach skirt and white top. I got a text from him asking where I was. I told him I was at the pool area. And then he replied, "ika pakai baju putih ngan seluar pendek merah?" (well, close. but i wasn't wearing shorts, it was a beach skirt) I asked him where he is and suddenly he pop up from behind me. I smiled and ran inside and changed my clothes. After that we had a long walk at the beach. And then he told me everything.

But, like I said, I'm in love with wan right now. I'm not planning to leave him anytime soon (or ever) and no matter how many cute handsome guys that I will meet along the way, wan will always have my heart.

Zikri said he will still wait for me no matter what. He's too in love with me right now especially after seeing me. Sorry zik, I can't force myself to love you back...

(err.zik is one of my relatives, that's how I knew him before, but we weren't that close)

It's kind of funny that a chubby girl like me has crushes. I have no idea what they see in me.

I guess that's all for now.
I'll write more soon.
Sorry again for any spelling mistakes, still haven't put on my glasses.