Abang nak balik France
huaaaaa
:(
Saturday, August 05, 2006
IELTS
the IELTS results are out. and i passed! I got a band 7.5 which is quite okay i guess. The passing band for TESL is 7.0. As for right now, I am feeling quite happy and satisfied with what i have achieved. I have no regrets at all because I know I deserve the band given and if i want a higher band, that means more hard work.
You see, success does not come easily. You have to work hard for it and put extra effort. I realised that I will not get anywhere if I continue with what I am doing now. I need to read more, like I used to when I was still in school. My teacher said that if you read a lot, you can improve 1 band in six week. Her explanation made sense to me. She also mentioned about good writers being good readers, which I find to be true. When I was in form 4-5, I used to write phrases/ quotes that I read from books into my essays. It did help a lot, and I never had any problems understanding English language.
After I finished school, my passion for reading slowly decreased. It's already August and I think I only managed to finish one book this year. I just did not have the time to really sit, read and indulge in the book. This whole thing has taken a toll on my english too. I think my english is getting worse, written or spoken. I get confused with the tenses and sometimes the words just won't come out.
So, starting from today, I will try to read as much books as possible. Hopefully, I can raise my band up to the highest level. :)
You see, success does not come easily. You have to work hard for it and put extra effort. I realised that I will not get anywhere if I continue with what I am doing now. I need to read more, like I used to when I was still in school. My teacher said that if you read a lot, you can improve 1 band in six week. Her explanation made sense to me. She also mentioned about good writers being good readers, which I find to be true. When I was in form 4-5, I used to write phrases/ quotes that I read from books into my essays. It did help a lot, and I never had any problems understanding English language.
After I finished school, my passion for reading slowly decreased. It's already August and I think I only managed to finish one book this year. I just did not have the time to really sit, read and indulge in the book. This whole thing has taken a toll on my english too. I think my english is getting worse, written or spoken. I get confused with the tenses and sometimes the words just won't come out.
So, starting from today, I will try to read as much books as possible. Hopefully, I can raise my band up to the highest level. :)
Thursday, July 27, 2006
here i am, sitting at the school's computer lab, IN AN ALMOST EGYPTIAN COSTUME, looking like an idiot. So far, my classmates and i have been getting a lot of stares from people around college. Some gave positive comments, others were just confused.
As for me, i just can't wait to get out of this costume...it's hot, and uncomfortable.
As for me, i just can't wait to get out of this costume...it's hot, and uncomfortable.
Monday, July 24, 2006
on being alone
here's the latest news
I am officially single
I've been thinking about ending the relationship for quite a while, i just never really had the guts to do it. I really made my decision on friday, but i told him on saturday night because i was having my IELTS exam at the time and i didn't want anything to distract me.
He took it really well and we're still okay now... I know it will never be the same because he's not there somewhere in the picture anymore. I've been handling it quite well, I suppose. No heavy tears, yet.
There are moments where I do regret my decision but I know that this is the best for me and my studies.
We never really had any huge problems in our relationship, things were fine. Before I told him the news, we were happily sms-ing each other. But I knew I had to do it sooner or later. The main reason is- my studies. I can't afford to jeopardise my future for a relationship that i, myself, am not sure of. I love him with all my heart and he's been nice to me, but having to handle Alevels and Him at the same time is too much. I need to make sure my future is secured and then maybe I will start thinking of being in a relationship again. I do not want to be the reason of us both failing in our exams. He has things he needs to do first before really thinking of being with me (or someone else) and I have my Alevels to pass and InsyaAllah further my studies in NZ.
I've been thinking of the promise I made to my dad about a year ago... I promised him that I will put aside everything else and focus on my studies and make him proud of me. I feel so guilty and sad that none of what I said came true. I never did get anything higher than 8 points, and I went and have a boyfriend.
I blame everything on myself. Not only did i disappoint my parents, I also broke his heart.
My results are coming out in two weeks. please pray that it will not be too bad... there is still time for me to correct all the wrongs.
to my parents: I will try to make you guys proud of me
to wan: thank u for understanding. if it is destined for us to be together, we will. all the best in everything that you do.
Friday, July 21, 2006
ok, so i had my speaking test today.
it was- hmm... it was okay i guess but made a lot of grammar mistakes!
there was this one time that i accidently said "ape tu..." hahaha.
what's done is done... i just hope and pray that i will get atleast a band 7. I need atleast a band 7 to qualify for my course... please pray for me too, okay?
the first part was quite okay because it was just basically about me- my name, where i come from etc etc... the second part...pheww...i'm just so grateful i did not go blank :) the examiner asked me to tell about an old place that is important in my country's history (something like that, can't remember her exact question) and the only place that came into this empty head of mine was "kelly's castle". I'm kind of amazed that i could talk about a historical building that i am not even familiar with! i went on and on and she just smiled at me ( she's a mat salleh btw )
and there were also questions about numbers, gardens... all in all, it was tough but i managed to finish it. ALHAMDULILLAH
so now i have to prepare for tomorrow's listening, reading, and writing test :) wish me luck okay?
it was- hmm... it was okay i guess but made a lot of grammar mistakes!
there was this one time that i accidently said "ape tu..." hahaha.
what's done is done... i just hope and pray that i will get atleast a band 7. I need atleast a band 7 to qualify for my course... please pray for me too, okay?
the first part was quite okay because it was just basically about me- my name, where i come from etc etc... the second part...pheww...i'm just so grateful i did not go blank :) the examiner asked me to tell about an old place that is important in my country's history (something like that, can't remember her exact question) and the only place that came into this empty head of mine was "kelly's castle". I'm kind of amazed that i could talk about a historical building that i am not even familiar with! i went on and on and she just smiled at me ( she's a mat salleh btw )
and there were also questions about numbers, gardens... all in all, it was tough but i managed to finish it. ALHAMDULILLAH
so now i have to prepare for tomorrow's listening, reading, and writing test :) wish me luck okay?
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
I came across some of my primary school friends' friendster. My jaw dropped when I saw their pictures...they are dead gorgeous! I remember back then we used to be bestfriends and we did everything together. And then highschool happened and we just stopped being bestfriends. I remember we used to play dress up, and i would use everything I can to make a pretty outfit for instance a blanket as a beautiful gorgeous dress. It was fun back then...being young and naive... we wanted to grow up and be popular...well, they did. I went to a different school and hung out with different people.
Oh, and I remember we named our group as "spice girls" (i was posh btw)
Jannah was ginger spice,hasmi was sporty spice, umm... alya was baby spice...
yeahh...it was fun...really fun
Alya was the closest to me back then. She would come to my house and we'd play until we were tired. Her mom used to be my teacher... She was the prettiest girl I've ever met...and after seeing her friendster pictures, i can see that she still is. I don't know how to describe my feelings after seeing them again (well, in fs ofcourse)
I wasn't exactly jealous seeing that they're hotter than I am, but I have to admit that there is a possibility that I did feel a bit jealous. emm. I almost deleted my friendster pictures because I was ashamed of myself. I wanted to be pretty just like them so bad!ahh.
Sometimes I regret not keeping in touch with them in highschool. We might still be bestfriends...
Last time I heard, Alya is already engaged to some guy. Hasmi is getting hotter and hotter. Jannah is in Perak now.
I miss my childhood.
I miss them... well, the old them
i really do
I wish I could turn back time, back to when we were still innocent and were eager to discover the real world.
Wouldn't it be nice to have your bestfriend from childhood and all the way through highschool, adulthood, marriage life...
I can imagine how fun it would be to have Alya by my side when I had my first boyfriend? and when I had to deal with my first break up? and all those shopping we could have done together if only we were still bestfriends...
I haven't seen Alya for almost 5-6 years now.
I guess sometimes things just won't go the way you planned them to.
Oh, and I remember we named our group as "spice girls" (i was posh btw)
Jannah was ginger spice,hasmi was sporty spice, umm... alya was baby spice...
yeahh...it was fun...really fun
Alya was the closest to me back then. She would come to my house and we'd play until we were tired. Her mom used to be my teacher... She was the prettiest girl I've ever met...and after seeing her friendster pictures, i can see that she still is. I don't know how to describe my feelings after seeing them again (well, in fs ofcourse)
I wasn't exactly jealous seeing that they're hotter than I am, but I have to admit that there is a possibility that I did feel a bit jealous. emm. I almost deleted my friendster pictures because I was ashamed of myself. I wanted to be pretty just like them so bad!ahh.
Sometimes I regret not keeping in touch with them in highschool. We might still be bestfriends...
Last time I heard, Alya is already engaged to some guy. Hasmi is getting hotter and hotter. Jannah is in Perak now.
I miss my childhood.
I miss them... well, the old them
i really do
I wish I could turn back time, back to when we were still innocent and were eager to discover the real world.
Wouldn't it be nice to have your bestfriend from childhood and all the way through highschool, adulthood, marriage life...
I can imagine how fun it would be to have Alya by my side when I had my first boyfriend? and when I had to deal with my first break up? and all those shopping we could have done together if only we were still bestfriends...
I haven't seen Alya for almost 5-6 years now.
I guess sometimes things just won't go the way you planned them to.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
ok, so here is what i think happened...
there is this one girl who is my friend's girlfriend and my friend is a guy who used to be really really close with me. We were sort of like bestfriends but the only difference was i kind of had feelings for him and things did seem like it would work out but it didn't, instead he went with this girl i was talking about earlier. So anyway, things were fine for a year and i am now happy with my own boyfriend but this morning, i suddenly got a text message from another friend of mine, warning me not to get too close with this guy friend because she says that the girlfriend has been crying and made the conclusion that i am the cause of the trouble in their relationship. The funny thing is, i haven't been keeping in touch that much with this guy and i only text message him every once in a while, so, i told my other friend that i have nothing to do with this guy friend and that the girlfriend should not worry because i am not interested in her boyfriend.
the thing that pisses me off is that now all her friends think that i've been flirting around with her boyfriend when i haven't even seen her boyfriend since last year and the last time i saw him was when we went out with my boyfriend with me
people think i am the third person
i dont like that
everytime something goes wrong in other people's relationship they seem to blame me
zaty once said i was an unprofessional flirt
maybe she's right
but in this particular case, i seriously have nothing to do with it
for the past year i've been happy with my boyfriend
this other guy is never in the picture
we're just friends now
yes, something did happen between us, but that was long ago...that was a year ago... i have forgotten about that already...i've moved on.
and you know, i'm glad i have wan. he understands me. never once has he ever accused me of doing something i never did.
so anyway,to that girl, if u are reading, i would just like to say,
it's not me you should be worrying about...
there is this one girl who is my friend's girlfriend and my friend is a guy who used to be really really close with me. We were sort of like bestfriends but the only difference was i kind of had feelings for him and things did seem like it would work out but it didn't, instead he went with this girl i was talking about earlier. So anyway, things were fine for a year and i am now happy with my own boyfriend but this morning, i suddenly got a text message from another friend of mine, warning me not to get too close with this guy friend because she says that the girlfriend has been crying and made the conclusion that i am the cause of the trouble in their relationship. The funny thing is, i haven't been keeping in touch that much with this guy and i only text message him every once in a while, so, i told my other friend that i have nothing to do with this guy friend and that the girlfriend should not worry because i am not interested in her boyfriend.
the thing that pisses me off is that now all her friends think that i've been flirting around with her boyfriend when i haven't even seen her boyfriend since last year and the last time i saw him was when we went out with my boyfriend with me
people think i am the third person
i dont like that
everytime something goes wrong in other people's relationship they seem to blame me
zaty once said i was an unprofessional flirt
maybe she's right
but in this particular case, i seriously have nothing to do with it
for the past year i've been happy with my boyfriend
this other guy is never in the picture
we're just friends now
yes, something did happen between us, but that was long ago...that was a year ago... i have forgotten about that already...i've moved on.
and you know, i'm glad i have wan. he understands me. never once has he ever accused me of doing something i never did.
so anyway,to that girl, if u are reading, i would just like to say,
it's not me you should be worrying about...
Thursday, June 01, 2006
It's like 1.40 am and I am still awake...with nothing to do...
nothing good is on Tv, my stomach is still full, wan is already asleep (i think), so there is no point asking him to keep me company tonight (by sms ofcourse) , everyone else is deep in their slumber...
I already finished my bottle of orange juice... I already washed my face... I've checked my emails, friendster... I've read people's blog, and now I am left with absolutely nothing to do...
well, I could just go to sleep but my eyes just won't shut... It has been like this for 3-4 days... i sleep really really late and wake up really really late...and then do basically nothing productive during the day...
Funny how I kept complaining how I didn't get enough rest during school days, and how there was just too much homework but too little time to complete it, but now that I am at home, 4 days into my school holidays, i am already bored with nothing to do. I still have two weeks more until school starts again... humm
I think i should start reading Antony and Cleopatra...and search for notes...
I'm going to get so cloyed with literature again next semester...oh god, help me.
Don't get me wrong, i do like reading all those shakespeare stuff...bla bla...but too much of it makes me sick. I don't think I'm going to do better in sociology either...and maths...well, lets just pray i don't screw up the only subject that i enjoy doing.
sometimes i wonder if this offer (doing alevels) is a blessing or some kind of a punishment. what the hell was i thinking when i took this offer? a levels is damn hard. I am not smart enough to do it... even if i took physics and chemistry for my alevels, i still don't think i will manage to do it... it's just too hard... i thought literature was a piece of cake, boy, was i wrong!
you know...right now, i don't even think my spm gce-o is valid. it is not valid at all. i think it was a mistake or something...maybe my results got mixed up with someone who turned out to have a really good english and i ended up getting that stupid A1. sometimes i wish i never got that A1 in english language...maybe i wouldn't have applied this mara scholarship to go overseas...and wouldn't have gotten myself into this whole mess. I'm in such a mess right now. I dread the day the results come out...i know it's going to be bad...it's going to be worse than bad...
i need a plan b.hmm... i wish i was rich... so that i could just get into one of those private colleges, mixed around with those rich kids who only know how to waste their parents money...who will never have to go through rough times... those kids who will never have to think about their future because everything is planned out for them...
-somebody kill me please,somebody kill me please...i'm on my knees,pretty pretty please,kill me...i want to die...put a bullet in my head...
(btw, that's just a song...)
i have to go...i don't see where this is going... i am writing nonsense. hehe. sorry. maybe it's the juice.
nite
nothing good is on Tv, my stomach is still full, wan is already asleep (i think), so there is no point asking him to keep me company tonight (by sms ofcourse) , everyone else is deep in their slumber...
I already finished my bottle of orange juice... I already washed my face... I've checked my emails, friendster... I've read people's blog, and now I am left with absolutely nothing to do...
well, I could just go to sleep but my eyes just won't shut... It has been like this for 3-4 days... i sleep really really late and wake up really really late...and then do basically nothing productive during the day...
Funny how I kept complaining how I didn't get enough rest during school days, and how there was just too much homework but too little time to complete it, but now that I am at home, 4 days into my school holidays, i am already bored with nothing to do. I still have two weeks more until school starts again... humm
I think i should start reading Antony and Cleopatra...and search for notes...
I'm going to get so cloyed with literature again next semester...oh god, help me.
Don't get me wrong, i do like reading all those shakespeare stuff...bla bla...but too much of it makes me sick. I don't think I'm going to do better in sociology either...and maths...well, lets just pray i don't screw up the only subject that i enjoy doing.
sometimes i wonder if this offer (doing alevels) is a blessing or some kind of a punishment. what the hell was i thinking when i took this offer? a levels is damn hard. I am not smart enough to do it... even if i took physics and chemistry for my alevels, i still don't think i will manage to do it... it's just too hard... i thought literature was a piece of cake, boy, was i wrong!
you know...right now, i don't even think my spm gce-o is valid. it is not valid at all. i think it was a mistake or something...maybe my results got mixed up with someone who turned out to have a really good english and i ended up getting that stupid A1. sometimes i wish i never got that A1 in english language...maybe i wouldn't have applied this mara scholarship to go overseas...and wouldn't have gotten myself into this whole mess. I'm in such a mess right now. I dread the day the results come out...i know it's going to be bad...it's going to be worse than bad...
i need a plan b.hmm... i wish i was rich... so that i could just get into one of those private colleges, mixed around with those rich kids who only know how to waste their parents money...who will never have to go through rough times... those kids who will never have to think about their future because everything is planned out for them...
-somebody kill me please,somebody kill me please...i'm on my knees,pretty pretty please,kill me...i want to die...put a bullet in my head...
(btw, that's just a song...)
i have to go...i don't see where this is going... i am writing nonsense. hehe. sorry. maybe it's the juice.
nite
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