on being alone

here's the latest news

I am officially single

I've been thinking about ending the relationship for quite a while, i just never really had the guts to do it. I really made my decision on friday, but i told him on saturday night because i was having my IELTS exam at the time and i didn't want anything to distract me.

He took it really well and we're still okay now... I know it will never be the same because he's not there somewhere in the picture anymore. I've been handling it quite well, I suppose. No heavy tears, yet.

There are moments where I do regret my decision but I know that this is the best for me and my studies.

We never really had any huge problems in our relationship, things were fine. Before I told him the news, we were happily sms-ing each other. But I knew I had to do it sooner or later. The main reason is- my studies. I can't afford to jeopardise my future for a relationship that i, myself, am not sure of. I love him with all my heart and he's been nice to me, but having to handle Alevels and Him at the same time is too much. I need to make sure my future is secured and then maybe I will start thinking of being in a relationship again. I do not want to be the reason of us both failing in our exams. He has things he needs to do first before really thinking of being with me (or someone else) and I have my Alevels to pass and InsyaAllah further my studies in NZ.

I've been thinking of the promise I made to my dad about a year ago... I promised him that I will put aside everything else and focus on my studies and make him proud of me. I feel so guilty and sad that none of what I said came true. I never did get anything higher than 8 points, and I went and have a boyfriend.

I blame everything on myself. Not only did i disappoint my parents, I also broke his heart.

My results are coming out in two weeks. please pray that it will not be too bad... there is still time for me to correct all the wrongs.

to my parents: I will try to make you guys proud of me

to wan: thank u for understanding. if it is destined for us to be together, we will. all the best in everything that you do.