It's like 1.40 am and I am still awake...with nothing to do...
nothing good is on Tv, my stomach is still full, wan is already asleep (i think), so there is no point asking him to keep me company tonight (by sms ofcourse) , everyone else is deep in their slumber...

I already finished my bottle of orange juice... I already washed my face... I've checked my emails, friendster... I've read people's blog, and now I am left with absolutely nothing to do...
well, I could just go to sleep but my eyes just won't shut... It has been like this for 3-4 days... i sleep really really late and wake up really really late...and then do basically nothing productive during the day...

Funny how I kept complaining how I didn't get enough rest during school days, and how there was just too much homework but too little time to complete it, but now that I am at home, 4 days into my school holidays, i am already bored with nothing to do. I still have two weeks more until school starts again... humm

I think i should start reading Antony and Cleopatra...and search for notes...
I'm going to get so cloyed with literature again next semester...oh god, help me.
Don't get me wrong, i do like reading all those shakespeare stuff...bla bla...but too much of it makes me sick. I don't think I'm going to do better in sociology either...and maths...well, lets just pray i don't screw up the only subject that i enjoy doing.

sometimes i wonder if this offer (doing alevels) is a blessing or some kind of a punishment. what the hell was i thinking when i took this offer? a levels is damn hard. I am not smart enough to do it... even if i took physics and chemistry for my alevels, i still don't think i will manage to do it... it's just too hard... i thought literature was a piece of cake, boy, was i wrong!

you know...right now, i don't even think my spm gce-o is valid. it is not valid at all. i think it was a mistake or something...maybe my results got mixed up with someone who turned out to have a really good english and i ended up getting that stupid A1. sometimes i wish i never got that A1 in english language...maybe i wouldn't have applied this mara scholarship to go overseas...and wouldn't have gotten myself into this whole mess. I'm in such a mess right now. I dread the day the results come out...i know it's going to be bad...it's going to be worse than bad...

i need a plan b.hmm... i wish i was rich... so that i could just get into one of those private colleges, mixed around with those rich kids who only know how to waste their parents money...who will never have to go through rough times... those kids who will never have to think about their future because everything is planned out for them...

-somebody kill me please,somebody kill me please...i'm on my knees,pretty pretty please,kill me...i want to die...put a bullet in my head...

(btw, that's just a song...)

i have to go...i don't see where this is going... i am writing nonsense. hehe. sorry. maybe it's the juice.

nite