I did not choose to be 15 kgs heavier.
I am not happy when I wake up each morning to find myself bigger than yesterday.
It does not help that the people I am closest to pressures me about my weight.
I see myself everyday, how do you think I feel when I see my self, my body, in front of the mirror everyday? I could not fit into most of my clothes now. It hurts and it sucks. Especially when that one person that you want to be told that you are beautiful says you are fat. Well, he did not exactly uttered the word "fat" but you just get it.

Yes, I will never be as pretty and as hot as that girl you used to love, but I do love you with all my heart, is that not enough?
Maybe part of the reason I can't seem to lose weight is because I know that is what YOU want. Weight was never a big issue for me but it was after meeting you that I gained the 15 kgs that I now need to lose.
And please stop giving me those stupid lame reasons on why I should lose weight. It's all bull.
I think deep inside, you are just embarrass that I am not as fit as your friends' girlfriends. Those long sexy legs with a hot body and a pretty face that you wish I had... well, that's not going to happen so you better snap out of your dream.

Just take me as I am, okay? Maybe if you stop wanting so much, I might just return to my normal size.

If I were a few pounds lighter, would he have loved me differently?
I think he is embarrassed by me, and it frustrates me so much.

I need suggestions on how to lose weight cause I really need to lose a few pounds. It doesn't have to be fast or anything as long as it is safe.
Thank you.

I went out with KB and Fairuz today :) weeee. We were classmates back in SIGS :) It was really nice seeing them again!!! Took photos and I already uploaded them on my friendster so just go there if you want to see pictures!

Oh, KB introduce me to this blog to read and it's very very very interesting. :) Thanks KB.

Hmm..what else what else.
Oh yeah, my ex classmates (TIJB) are having a reunion this Thursday and I'm going :)

and...I will be travelling with my three precious girl friends around Malaysia next month! Can't wait for that!

I guess that's all for now. :)

Nite nite

ok i was lying on my bed doing nothing suddenly my mind had this sort of a flashback thing to the days when I was in KMS. hehe. My close friends and I might not be at all popular in school but we were really happy together (that, I am very sure). We did all sorts of stuff together, like, there was this one time, Jo couldn't take it anymore that our neighbour kept doing open burning so she took the fire hose and tried to put out the fire from the upstairs balcony! it was really hilarious! Kak Long and Zaty helped to aim the hose while I watched. hehehe. crazy. Oh and our trip to Cosmo's world!!! and also all the shopping we did together while we were in Seremban... the times we spent together at the park near our school... aahhh...precious memories. I can honestly say that my 2 years in KMS would not be fun if it wasn't for those girls :) They are the most fun people i've ever met! It doesn't matter at all that we're not popular or cool, all that matters is that we really care for each other. :) I miss those girls. I can't wait to see them this 15/16th of July!!!

JO KAKLONG ZATY IF YOU GIRLS ARE READING THIS, I MISS YOU GIRLS!!!

my brother, when he's bored...

I am in a "what if" mode right now, and it is scaring the hell out of me.
What if i don't get atleast 13 points?
2 years will be wasted just like that...
What if I don't get to go? What's going to happen to me?
I'm so confused and scared right now. I can't stop thinking about the 9th of August.
Please do pray for me.

zatynessss

alamak alamak my friend zaty wants me to update but i can't think of anything to write besides mushy stuff about my love life. what to do what to do.

ok...calm down...
think iqa think...
cats...birds...snake...green snake...ikea...
oh, my mom bought me a stuffed snake from ikea.
naah...too lame.


think think...
weight...fat...
oh i need to lose weight coz I'm getting too bigl... i went shopping yesterday and I went like 100 sizes up. hehe. ok that was an exaggeration.

come on iqa, there must be something in that brain of yours...
sugarcane...tebu...azhar...wan...
oh...i went out with these boys today. :) it was fun :) now i believe in the saying that "boys will be boys". hehe.


haih...
sorry zaty...
looks like my head is empty...
maybe i should do something...like get a real job...go out...
haih

hehe
love you zaty ;)

he loved me when i was small
he still loves me now that i am big
thank you sayang
i know u will miss my flubber (as u call it) when i lose those extra pounds. haha

I am sorry that i am constantly paranoid and sometimes my paranoia distrupts our relationship. But you have to understand that I do have a reason for being constantly paranoid and maybe someday i will tell you all about it.

I'm missing you right now :-( you're out with your friends and probably I won't get to text you before i sleep because you might come home late. You know I don't like to disturb you when you're out with friends. I hope you're enjoying yourself. Love you, always. :)

Good night

I am finally home! I am really done with alevels! wiheee!
I've just finished unpacking so i'm really2 tired.
It feels so good to be home and getting to surf the internet again! ahhhh heaven!
will update this blog later ok.
:)

ta ta