It's like 1.40 am and I am still awake...with nothing to do...
nothing good is on Tv, my stomach is still full, wan is already asleep (i think), so there is no point asking him to keep me company tonight (by sms ofcourse) , everyone else is deep in their slumber...
I already finished my bottle of orange juice... I already washed my face... I've checked my emails, friendster... I've read people's blog, and now I am left with absolutely nothing to do...
well, I could just go to sleep but my eyes just won't shut... It has been like this for 3-4 days... i sleep really really late and wake up really really late...and then do basically nothing productive during the day...
Funny how I kept complaining how I didn't get enough rest during school days, and how there was just too much homework but too little time to complete it, but now that I am at home, 4 days into my school holidays, i am already bored with nothing to do. I still have two weeks more until school starts again... humm
I think i should start reading Antony and Cleopatra...and search for notes...
I'm going to get so cloyed with literature again next semester...oh god, help me.
Don't get me wrong, i do like reading all those shakespeare stuff...bla bla...but too much of it makes me sick. I don't think I'm going to do better in sociology either...and maths...well, lets just pray i don't screw up the only subject that i enjoy doing.
sometimes i wonder if this offer (doing alevels) is a blessing or some kind of a punishment. what the hell was i thinking when i took this offer? a levels is damn hard. I am not smart enough to do it... even if i took physics and chemistry for my alevels, i still don't think i will manage to do it... it's just too hard... i thought literature was a piece of cake, boy, was i wrong!
you know...right now, i don't even think my spm gce-o is valid. it is not valid at all. i think it was a mistake or something...maybe my results got mixed up with someone who turned out to have a really good english and i ended up getting that stupid A1. sometimes i wish i never got that A1 in english language...maybe i wouldn't have applied this mara scholarship to go overseas...and wouldn't have gotten myself into this whole mess. I'm in such a mess right now. I dread the day the results come out...i know it's going to be bad...it's going to be worse than bad...
i need a plan b.hmm... i wish i was rich... so that i could just get into one of those private colleges, mixed around with those rich kids who only know how to waste their parents money...who will never have to go through rough times... those kids who will never have to think about their future because everything is planned out for them...
-somebody kill me please,somebody kill me please...i'm on my knees,pretty pretty please,kill me...i want to die...put a bullet in my head...
(btw, that's just a song...)
i have to go...i don't see where this is going... i am writing nonsense. hehe. sorry. maybe it's the juice.
nite
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Sunday, April 30, 2006
it's been so so so long since i wrote a proper post on this blog. I've been extra extra busy with exams and stuff...I don't really get to go online when I'm in seremban because my classes are always full...so...sorry about that.
anyway,i'm done with my trials...finally... but i don't want to think about the outcome right now...
i did what i can do...
anyway, enough about the exams.
two weeks ago, i had to move to the boys dormitory...yes, the BOYS dormitory...
so, i am currently living in asrama burhanuddin...
what i like about this whole moving thing is...my new room. i love it...eventhough it's quite far from the dewan selera and my academic block...
i get my own new table and i get to choose where i want my bed to be.
what i don't like about the whole moving thing is...the toilet.
i knew the toilet was going to be nasty... it was.
there were no shower heads when we first moved in, the sink is too high, and i don't even want to mention about the toilet. ewh euh euwww...the shower is too small and too high!!
when i asked the boys, they said, OUR shower was too low...they can see their heads popping out from the cubicle when they take a shower.
they (the people in charge of this whole thing) took about two days to fix everything so that people could actually LIVE there.
they were supposed to fix it before we moved in...but...
but all in all, it wasn't as bad as i first thought it would be.
atleast my room is lovely and very spacious.
hmm... i'm going back tomorrow...huuhuuu....
my exams is in two weeks.
wish me luck ok
do pray for my success.
next destination : uni of auckland... insyaAllah.
anyway,i'm done with my trials...finally... but i don't want to think about the outcome right now...
i did what i can do...
anyway, enough about the exams.
two weeks ago, i had to move to the boys dormitory...yes, the BOYS dormitory...
so, i am currently living in asrama burhanuddin...
what i like about this whole moving thing is...my new room. i love it...eventhough it's quite far from the dewan selera and my academic block...
i get my own new table and i get to choose where i want my bed to be.
what i don't like about the whole moving thing is...the toilet.
i knew the toilet was going to be nasty... it was.
there were no shower heads when we first moved in, the sink is too high, and i don't even want to mention about the toilet. ewh euh euwww...the shower is too small and too high!!
when i asked the boys, they said, OUR shower was too low...they can see their heads popping out from the cubicle when they take a shower.
they (the people in charge of this whole thing) took about two days to fix everything so that people could actually LIVE there.
they were supposed to fix it before we moved in...but...
but all in all, it wasn't as bad as i first thought it would be.
atleast my room is lovely and very spacious.
hmm... i'm going back tomorrow...huuhuuu....
my exams is in two weeks.
wish me luck ok
do pray for my success.
next destination : uni of auckland... insyaAllah.
Friday, March 31, 2006
I am so embarassed whenever I see him around school. He is everywhere I am. I can't run away ( not until he gets out from here, which is another two months ) He is haunting my thoughts, my actions, my emotions. I regret what I did, I wish there is some way to undo it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I hurt so many people because of my actions...
I'm sorry zaty, jo, and Kak long.
I'm so sorry for not listening to you guys...
I did not intend it to happen this way...
I'm sorry
btw zaty, what you said about me, being an unprofessional flirt, is so true.
I hurt so many people because of my actions...
I'm sorry zaty, jo, and Kak long.
I'm so sorry for not listening to you guys...
I did not intend it to happen this way...
I'm sorry
btw zaty, what you said about me, being an unprofessional flirt, is so true.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Pn. Husniah, my literature teacher, gave me this really great advice that I want to share. It goes something like this ( I can't remember her exact words ) :
"If you married the wrong man, get a divorce. If you want to stay, then try to make it work"
I think I'm going to remember this advice forever. You see, this course I'm taking, is not easy. I need to really give 110% of everything I have into it just to make sure I pass my alevel and further my studies in NZ. I am taking three tough subjects for my alevel which are literature in english, sociology and mathematics. Two of these three subjects need constant reading and writing while the other one needs constant practice. It's not as easy as in seems because my vocabulary is very limited so I am having a hard time understanding Harolambos (my sociology text book) and it is so frustrating to use the same words over and over again in my essays. ( I have no idea how I got A1 for my gce-o ) Since I only have less than 2 months for my AS exam, I don't think I have enough time to brush up on my english. I chose this course and I've always wanted to do Tesl and teach, but I didn't know it was going to be this hard. I still think I made the right choice and I do not regret it and I am willing to work hard to pass this exam. Since I am sticking to this course, I have to make it work.
Another advice that I will never forget is,
"Live dangerously, buy coloured shoes"
I have always played it safe in everything i do. I have never dared to go that extra mile, to take that extra step. I even buy black shoes so that I can match it with anything (hehe). Anyway, back to what I was saying, I think I need to change this atitude. I need to be more adventurous, like, enter a public speaking competition perhaps? I need to do something challenging, just to see if I can do it. My whole life, I've never entered a real competition with real prizes. I remembered entering a science competition once but my group was the only one who sent something so we won without even competing and it wasn't challenging at all.
Oh, and I really do need to buy coloured shoes...and tops too. ;-) my wardrobe is really boring and dull. I can only see black, black...one or two whites...cream... haih.
Umm. about the first advice, I need to stress that I did not marry the wrong man, err, I mean, course. It's just that, since I'm staying, i need to put extra effort no matter how hard it is. Please pray that I pass my exam with flying colors.
Good nite :)
"If you married the wrong man, get a divorce. If you want to stay, then try to make it work"
I think I'm going to remember this advice forever. You see, this course I'm taking, is not easy. I need to really give 110% of everything I have into it just to make sure I pass my alevel and further my studies in NZ. I am taking three tough subjects for my alevel which are literature in english, sociology and mathematics. Two of these three subjects need constant reading and writing while the other one needs constant practice. It's not as easy as in seems because my vocabulary is very limited so I am having a hard time understanding Harolambos (my sociology text book) and it is so frustrating to use the same words over and over again in my essays. ( I have no idea how I got A1 for my gce-o ) Since I only have less than 2 months for my AS exam, I don't think I have enough time to brush up on my english. I chose this course and I've always wanted to do Tesl and teach, but I didn't know it was going to be this hard. I still think I made the right choice and I do not regret it and I am willing to work hard to pass this exam. Since I am sticking to this course, I have to make it work.
Another advice that I will never forget is,
"Live dangerously, buy coloured shoes"
I have always played it safe in everything i do. I have never dared to go that extra mile, to take that extra step. I even buy black shoes so that I can match it with anything (hehe). Anyway, back to what I was saying, I think I need to change this atitude. I need to be more adventurous, like, enter a public speaking competition perhaps? I need to do something challenging, just to see if I can do it. My whole life, I've never entered a real competition with real prizes. I remembered entering a science competition once but my group was the only one who sent something so we won without even competing and it wasn't challenging at all.
Oh, and I really do need to buy coloured shoes...and tops too. ;-) my wardrobe is really boring and dull. I can only see black, black...one or two whites...cream... haih.
Umm. about the first advice, I need to stress that I did not marry the wrong man, err, I mean, course. It's just that, since I'm staying, i need to put extra effort no matter how hard it is. Please pray that I pass my exam with flying colors.
Good nite :)
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