How I wish I could undo my mistakes, go back to the past, relive it without regrets.
I took a walk back to my past, yesterday, two days ago, a year ago, 5 years, and back to when I was a child. Things were much simpler and easier then. I did not have to deal with the real world, I had my family to take care of my problems. When I was 4, if I had a tummy-ache, mum would rub some kind of magic oil on my tummy to make it better. At night, if I was having nightmares, all I need to do was scream my lungs out until mum or dad came to rescue me. Now that I am 18, I have to learn to take care of myself. I have to face my problems alone, and this time, the problems are bigger than tummy-ache's.
I find myself breaking down more often lately. I cry a lot, and most of the time, I don't even know why. I am supposed to be strong, but I am not. I am scared of my future, what if I do not make it? What if I let everyone down? I hate to think of the what-if's.
This year is the toughest year for me. No kidding. I wish I could put aside all my current problems and finish this year first. I wish there is an easy way to tell someone that we should focus on what's important first, but there isn't. I cannot just run away from everything, it will only make it worse.
What I really want right now is my mom. I want her to tell me things are going to be okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment